Oh How I Love You

Let me count the ways:
My last week has been classic Korea AKA ridiculously confusing yet totally awesome. And to prove how confasome it was here are some interesting pictures and video clips. It all started a little something like this:

I joined a group of expats in a test of strength endurance and drinkatude. Below is a video of just ONE scientific test we participated in to determine the ultimate victor of the First Annual Omegathon. 

Back to work but the fun doesn't stop. Below, for a reason to absurd to utter, there is a kid in a sparkly blue track suit....he is wearing it of his own volition and is not the only one sporting this flashy new trend.

 This next clip is a charming example of the effects of alcohol indulgitude on children....(before this clip was shot the subject told me a little story, "Daddy drink Soju, Soju, Soju, then sleep real loud next day" Me "you mean he snores really loud?" *Him "ya on the floor"*) *OK so he didn't really say on the floor but the story, funny as it already is, would have been ridiculous if he had.

Off to dinner with the co-workers. Happy Birthday Anna Teacher!

 Oh I almost forgot, though how it slipped my mind I don't know, I am going to be Micheal Jackson in the Kindergartners graduation performance. Here's a sneak peek at the hilarity that I'm sure will ensue.

Today I rode in a small yellow sports car with Jee Hye and her mom to Daegu. We drove for four hours to go to her cousins wedding. Korean weddings are .... different.
 


(This wasn't a traditional Korean wedding it has been Westernized but it was still a little different...ly awesome)

 Why yes...that is a fog machine. You better believe they had a light-up-pressure-sensitive-isle too.

 I wasn't sure if the had the proper professional camera coverage so I made sure to snap a few shots so they wouldn't miss a big moment.

Can you count how many camera operators there are? The answer is at the end of this post.

 Two reasons this picture makes me happy:

1) Hanboks aka Traditional Korean Formal Wear.

2) Because she ISN'T pointing at me...few.

 This next one confused me for a second...Why is he bowing down in fear? Was the old woman pointing at him? OR Is it the giant Cake Sword behind him? I leave it to you to decide. 

Answer:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...6 oh ya they're filming too...trick question. Nice try though.

Over all it was a silly good time even though I didn't understand a word of it. I'm having a great time and I have found that the best way to have a great time is to just say yes. This wasn't something I would usually be excited about but it was a great time and I'm glad I went. Till next time...

What the K#RE@!?

Welcome back to another episode of WHAT THE KOREA!
Today we will explore some more fun and interesting happenings in the down south....South Korea that is!


Today is the start of 설날 (Seolnal or "Lunar New Year" for all you gringo Americans) You may have noticed that I have become semi-not-illiterate. I have been "studding" Korean at a bar and a restaurant. 
The Bar is called Truck A MultiPlayground. (I am really not sure what a MultiPlayground is, but the bar is tiny, it has a loft and a cat that is shaved to look like a lion, what more do you need?) At Truck I buy the bartender, Ivy, drinks and she teaches me new words. That's right Fun Fact 1. The bartenders, on the clock, will drink with you. She ends up buying me drinks too so really I'm getting language lessons for free.
The restaurant is called Spoon, it is the most exciting combination of Kor-Mex-Lian. That's right! Now YOU can fulfill your only undying wish! (as long as your wish is to be an American ordering an Italian dish from a Korean...If it is, your life must be quite disappointing. Next time wish for a high place to step off of and save me the effort of having to write these ridiculous wish scenarios for you...you know who you are) 
At Spoon I am not only learning Korean but am constantly being made fun of by G-Hey and her Momma. Today they told me that I am dumb then invited me to come hang out with them on New Years Day (Thursday?!) Being the glutton for punishment I am, I quickly agreed. 
Fun Fact 2. Koreans don't know when New Years is?! Instead of celebrating on January first like the "normals"  they watch the stars and celebrate their pagan anti American orbital period on the the day of the second new moon after the winter solstice, unless there is a intercalary eleventh or twelfth month in the lead-up to the New Year, in such a case, the New Year falls on the day of the third new moon after the solstice. (Because celebrating on January 1st is just too easy)
That's it. Those are the big plans for my break. I'm hoping this break will be long enough to settle the urge to punt small children out closed windows with the ultimate goal of them falling on to other small children thus succeeding in hitting two children with one child. 
I know I have problems...I would seek mental help if I had state sponsored health insurance, sadly I don't because my work is screwed up. 

Till next time. This has been What The Korea!? 

Three Times a Party

Friday my birth-weekend-a-thon starts. My "fan club", the mothers of my youngest kiddos, sent me a cake. We ate a piece during play time. It was really sweet they made me light all the candles and then sang happy birthday to me. One of my other students got me a present, dress socks!

In the evening my co-workers took me to dinner at the Kogi King. It is an all you can eat meat buffet, and you're the cook! What could be better?  
 
Before:

Why yes those are whole cloves of garlic in the center.

After:

Then we went to Nore-bong (private karaoke). Koreans are all born with the ability to sing any pop song perfectly. They make the Americans look ridiculous, for one thing they know the words to the songs. I, on the other hand, belt out the chorus then mumble through the rest of the song, if I really get lost I bust into a dance/clap interlude.  (depending on your audio settings this might get loud...fair warning)

The evening, was again, just getting started. Next we went to a coffee shop for an after hours birthday party of one of our other friends. It was a good time, with lots of food and drinks, that quickly turned into a soju soaked dance party. 

The evening ended in Jundong at Freestyle, an expat bar. No pictures from here because I lost all motivation, and most of my fine motor skills necessary to operate small electronics. (below is an artists rendering of what I suspect the evening consisted of)

Saturday "  morning"   (noon-ish) Jessica, my co-worker, and I went to Surisan for a hike. We ended up on a icy death march to the top of a mountain. Really beautiful views coupled with subdermal ecchymosis of the radiocarpal joint (aka a bruised wrist. Thank you wilderness 1st responder class). 

Sunday...my real birthday I went to a 1 year-old's birthday party. It included a little over 30 catered dishes, prize drawings, a sword to cut cake, beer, soju, a picture montage, a photographer, enough sushi to kill a man, a MC, free gifts, and I don't know what else?! I was told that this was a "small" party too. Apparently 1st B-days are a big deal here because infant mortality used to be a real issue. My photos all sucked so you will have to trust me: This thing was off the hook. (ya I just said that and I am OK with it.)

That's a one year old with a sword :)

In the evening I had dinner with friends at SPOON a local restaurant that is owned by yet another one of my friends. Lee-Ge-Hey (the owner) and her mother Lee-Gey-Sun were kind enough to buy all of our dinners. We drank and ate well. It was a really great way to end a birth-weekend-a-thon. Thank you to everyone for the great time and the birthday well wishes.

Late Twenties: I am here to stay.

Pictures Worth a Chon Won*

*A THOUSAND WON**

**it's like a buck (actually 88 cents)

A quick rundown of the events in the far East:

 

 They look sweet and innocent...

 But then they write nonsensical satanic math problems...

 And become THIS. (It looks like a smile and a hug but it really is a sly grin and a punch.)

 I got really smart...actually it's just the glasses. (do they make me look Asian?)

 I went on a super cool hike and discovered...

 The smog of downtown Seoul makes for great pictures.

I made burritos....

 Which were delicious and much more attractive in this picture. (Oh ya and supper expensive?!?! One of those burritos cost more than the huge beer next to it. Was it the $3 can of beans or the .50 tortilla? I don't know but damn it they were worth every Won.)

I was gifted a Kindle (electronic book) by my favorite grandmas and my favorite parents.

*like my hand-made-super-cool-custom-case?

If you have made it this far...I'm doomed. You are in for a real treat. This is possibly the most horrifically embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me...and I have been embarrassed!

I once had a bloody nose stopped up with a tampon, in-front of my whole class. (note it was my teachers tampon, string and all not the cute little one either. My bloody nose way no match for its "flow protection")

My "first date" we went swimming. Sounds nice enough? I was swept down river. I held on to a tree for dear life till my "date's" mother rescued me. (I also nearly lost my swim trunks)

And yet THIS wins. 


If you will allow I would like to offer some explanation. I was poor...I hadn't been paid yet at my school, my credit card was nearly maxed and I saw a ton of food left over after the Christmas party. Yes, we were allowed to take it home but the way I, for lack of a better word, horded food like my life depended on it was, to say the least, embarrassing. Now why, you ask, would I post such an embarrassing event? 
A) I didn't...it was posted on YouTube by my co-workers (also offering commentary) 
B) Because it's really funny. (I recognize good comedy. And desperation at this level is comical if not hilarious.)
C) Because no one really reads this crap anyway. (besides You and You would never mock me...would you?)


So pull on your favorite brand of adult diaper and click away.... HERRRRR      (the equivalent to a forlorner sigh in Korean...who knew?)

I'll be posting again on Monday, that is, if I survive my Birthday. See you on the other side!

2 Months Down

I celebrated by leaving school in the middle of the day for a doctor visit! YEAH! Actually I left on my lunch break to go because my throat was swollen and I had a fever for the last two days. When I arrived at the doctor, feeling dizzy and nauseous, I was informed that, "The doctor was out to lunch."
"Funny I called ahead to make sure I could be seen?!" (lightly concealed rage)
"Would I like to wait two hours to see him when he returns?" (asked in all seriousness)
"No I would not." (mild contempt, with a little forlorn sigh)
I took a cab back to work and napped for thirty minutes until my next class started. Half way through I ran to the bathroom to heave what I had eaten, which luckily was nothing. Another foreign teacher called down to the office to say that I was really sick. The boss-man came to my room took over my class and sent me back to the doctor. I was seen and diagnosed with acute tonsillitis. The doctor prescribed a myriad of drugs including penicillin. I returned, once more by cab, to school. I had enough time before my next class to eat some rice mixed with hot water and down my pills. My stomach finally settled and I took the rest of the day pretty easy. The kids, for the most part, were understanding and tried to be well behaved.
Over all it could have been worse. My co-workers were very kind and offered tons of help and the boss-man said "I wished you could go home to rest" (this is a big step: Steve, my co-worker, had to stay after getting an IV at the hospital and fainting at work *I guess I had to stay too but at least the boss-man feigned concern for me).
Here's hoping month three is where I really hit my stride!

MAC N' CHZ Kinda Week

This has been a good week in Korea. No matter the country, a week that includes Costco, Ice Hockey, and a care package can't be half bad. 
The Costco trip was epic to say the least. It required taking two trains and a cab each way. I split the cost of membership with a co worker and we wandered through the three story Costco for hours. I purchased 5lbs of shredded Cheddar cheese, 5lbs of ground pork, and a 10lb bag of pancake mix. My coworker got an equally absurd amount of consumables. We neglected the logistics of trying to carry all our treasures home, for the time being we were in bulk sized heaven. The train was packed and we had to stand over our boxes  but we were still happy. The smiles ended when we stepped from the warm train into the sub zero frozen wasteland that is Ansan. The icy death march began. I was forced to stop every 20 steps or so to rewarm my fingers but in the end the pork-potato-egg-cheese-hash I ate the next morning made it worth possible frost bite. The side of waffles really brought the meal together.


I went to watch a Hockey match last night with friends but instead we ended up seeing a tickle fight on ice. Hockey in Korea is horrible. They don't sell beer and don't allow fighting or checking. I ask you...what's the point? I still had fun screaming obscenities in English that no one understood. My favorite being "stab him with your skate." (what's wrong with me?) The highlight of the evening had to be a deep-fried corn dog I bought on the street. What is better than a corn dog? How about one that is battered a second time? Who ever thought to deep-fry something that has already been deep-fried is a genius and deserves a national holiday.

Lastly my week was started with a care package sent from some lovely Alaskan ladies. It included all the things I have been craving...even box Mac N' Cheese. I made myself sick the first night by eating a whole box from the pan. WORTH IT! Thank you again for the gifts. I also got about a million letters, thank you all for those and watch your mail boxes, I'll write back just as soon as I can.


A couple of pictures of my adventures:

 Some of the more interesting items for sale at Costco....there were also live fish for sale:)

 Waffley goodness with a potato for scale.

 Korea is a frozen wasteland....wanna visit?

 Sharon and Jessica (co-workers) at Korean BBQ this whole spread cost us $6 each. Beer and Soju included plus there was more on the table next to us that didn't fit into the picture.

MAC N' CHZ

The Two Uses For The Internet

1. To post pictures of yourself wearing a swim suit in your bathroom mirror. (Sunglasses optional)
2. Bitching in your not-so-popular-blog.


Today I will do the latter.

My apartment is trying to kill me.


Since I moved in 53 days ago I have had a persistent cough. I know, a bit of an overreaction, but I think my new "roommate" is trying to kill me. Actually I don't believe he is trying to kill me, more just get me to aspirate his asexually-reproduced-filamentous-brethren. Oh ya I forgot to mention the quotes aground roommate implied that he is actually a 4.5 foot tall patch of mold growing on my wall...he's called Larry. 
Larry mostly keeps to himself. He likes to produce trichothecene mycotoxins, hang out, or just cause adverse physical reactions, including death, lung tissue damage, and memory loss. Really overall he is a fungi....(sorry I had to)
After bringing this information to the attention of my boss he suggested I should reposition my furniture in front of Larry. "Why didn't I think of that?" I almost forgot the "if you can't see it, it's no longer there fix" on the 'EPA's website concerning mold and indoor air quality'.
For all of you, at home, screaming at your screen, "spray him with bleach and quit bitching". I would like to share this short quote from Blazing Saddles, you might find it relates to the topic on hand (and is quite silly):

Bart: I better go check out this Mongo character.
[Bart reaches for his gun]
Jim : Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad. 

Yes I bleached him, I scrubbed him, I even bedazzeled him. And he came back with a vengeance. We have a shaky truce formed by a bottle of "mold cleaner" (*I think it's used for cleaning mold).

The truth is that I actually like my apartment quite a little bit. It has become home, I would hate to leave it but Larry and my respiratory system don't quite get along. Any one wanna come visit?


A few pictures for your viewing pleasure:

 Larry!

 One of my favorite Bedazzeled babes.

This is what you see when you Google "Beddazzeled Mold"?!