H 2 ....

O MY GOD!


The rainy season has started....and it's every where! Rain that is....ya you expect it in all the classic locations, outside, ummm well mostly there, but in Korea they take rain to a whole new level, I like to call it "rainnest". It is like rain only more! Take a recent camping trip for example:
My boss invited the foreign teachers to go camping on the ocean for one night, we voiced our concerns about the possibility of rain and were reassured that it was only going to rain on Sunday. The fact that we were camping ON Sunday didn't seem to bother my boss-man so we all agreed and set out on an "adventure". We got to the beach and set up camp mid Saturday evening, drank and ate till we could explode, then drank and ate more. We had beef, pork, and duck plus all the sides you can imagine. It was great. We spent the evening in ignorant bliss, playing cards, throwing a baseball, little did we know that our lives were about to change.

Everyone went to sleep when it started to sprinkle around 11pm. 1am SUNDAY I woke up in a two inch deep puddle, in my tent, where water of any depth should never be. The rest of the night was spent bailing water out of the roof of the collapsing tent Lewis's family was "sleeping" in. (sleep was not possible at this point due to the constant rolling thunder and pounding rain pummeling everyone and everything too stupid to not be inside). By 6am when we finally decided to pack up and leave there was a 5 inch deep 30' wide lake surrounding the tents. 

Back to my house I thought I was safe but no...it appears Korean windows were not designed for use in aquatic conditions. I opened my bathroom door to discover a new water feature that I did not remember installing. Strangely the same phenomenon was occurring in the kitchen. The windows are leakier than a sieve. When you need more than one sham-wow to contain the water coming from you closed windows you know you have a problem, but when you need 4, yes 4 super-absorbent-made-in-Germany-limited-time-offer-Sham-Wows, you are just screwed.

Lastly I finally gave in and bought, well mooched for free, an umbrella, the trouble is:
Umbrellas are great for up-and-down-rain. (standard-run-of-the-mill falling-from-the-sky-rain)
BUT....they are not so hot at blocking "slantyrain". Slantyrain is rain that defies the laws of physics by saying "fuck you" to gravity and just doing what ever the fuck it wants. Slantyrain is kind of a bad ass, it falls down with the rest of the "normal" rain but when it decides that it wants to try something different, it does it. Slantyrain is the "second shooter" of rain. It goes straight down aiming for your umbrella then takes an abrupt 90* right turn straight into your face. You are it's bitch and there is nothing you can do about it but say thank you and ask for more, which it will promptly give you.

 So that video had nothing to do with slantyrain but....it was pretty cute and if you don't know the reference you have missed one of the greatest movies of all time.

I've been poked...

...in the butt more times this week than your mom! (and that's saying something)


After a mid-week-drinking-binge I developed a soar throat and a fever. Was it from the $20-3hour-all-you-can-drink-special that I took as a personal challenge, or was I just due for a summer cold? We may never know but what I am sure of is this, I spent half of the following day pretending to teach class and the other half in the bathroom wanting to throw up (I was never successful on that front by the way *PUKE FREE!). This isn't my usual attitude toward teaching, I actually do care about my job, my kids education, and the schools reputation, my only explanation is that things got out of hand, as they are want to do when you offer a mid-week-20$-3hour-all-you-can-drink-special!
Now I bet you are wondering what does all this have to do with butt poking? Glad you asked! No, it has nothing to do with a guy named Russel who likes to dress up like Minni Pearl and uses the word fist as a verb. No, it's a Korea thing, if you go to the doctor, like I did, you get a shot...in the butt. Doesn't matter what the ailment is the answer is always a shot in the butt. I returned to the doctor today cause I'm not feeling up to par quite yet and shot in the butt.
My diagnosis is tonsillitis, only the millionth time in my life. Never have I hated one of my organs more than my tonsils. This is official now, tonsils you are on notice, screw me over seven or eight more times and your f'ing out of here! 
Oh ya and for all of you who read this .....um...writing? I am actually working on writing a little bit about my work and fan death and all those other things you suggested I talk about, sorry it's taking so long but those pee and fart jokes don't write themselves.
Lastly I'll leave you with a picture of me in a really high hammock for absolutely no good reason.

Oh and Happy Father's Day Dad hope your enjoying Alaska!

I Need YOU

I need some help:


My boss has asked me to stay an extra three months till February and I don't know what to do. He wants me to "make him an offer". I think I am going to stay in Korea for another year but I was planning on ending my contract in November then traveling a bit before starting a new contract in February. What should I do?




Oh and secondly:


I have a week off in August for summer break. What should I do? I have been kicking around going for a ridiculous bike trip much like this one. I want to ride all the way across the country from Seoul to Busan. It is 500K which fur us Mericans its 310miles. I have 10 days so it should be PLENTY of time. Or I could relax or travel some where or go flying....I really want to do the bike trip but I am nervous I don't ever travel by myself, I think I might get bored or dead. Oh and the heat, that is the hottest time in Korea averaging 80F and record of 95F with a billion percent humidity (that might be a slight exaggeration).


So anyway what should I do? Leave a comment tell me you opinion!

Way Over Due

It's been a while since I last posted. First off, Thank you to everyone who suggested topics for further posts. I will be cover all of them in the coming months.
I think my lack of interest in posting is actually me just not being surprised by anything here any more. It used to be that every time I saw waiters in costumes serving ridiculous food I had to snap a picture and make a comment about it, but now it all seems sooo....normal? I have been here for near 7 months and I think I have finally Koreanized.


What's new? Well I'm taking Korean lessons because of an interesting situation just the other day (zoom in to shimmer fade)


Setting: Class Room on Parents day


William Teacher: ....Wow class wasn't that a great story?!
9 eight year old students + parents: ............ (stare back blankly)
William Teacher: (Don't panic they are just nervous because their parents are there....just go slow...Ask a question!)  Ummmm so What food did the fox eat in the story?
Students: ...............
William Teacher: Ok ummm did he eat .......uh pizza?
Students: ........no?
William Teacher: (thank god! ok roll with it....) noooo he didn't eat pizza, did he eat chicken?
Students: .....no.
William Teacher: (ok one more and your on a roll then hit them with the real question and they'll answer hahaha You are awesome, such a good teacher! now to wow the parents...use a little korean hehehe ya that's what I'll do cause I am awesome.....have I been silent this whole time...oh no uhhh just say something!) kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei?
9 eight year old students + parents: ........ (blank stares and mild laughter)
William Teacher: (roll with it...its ok uhhhh I KNOW use MORE Korean! that will surely fix everything) jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani?
9 eight year old students + parents: ......... (horrified looks and a lot of red faces)


 It got a little fuzzy after this I at least stopped attempting Korean which was for the best because I later realized my attempted conversation and my actual conversation were ever so slightly different.


What I TRIED to say:
kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei? Did he eat tuna?
jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani? Tuna tastes delicious, Don't you like tuna?


Now to understand the issue here is a quick vocabulary lesson CHamchi= tuna 
Jamchi= a vulgar word for the female reproductive organ.


So lets replay this conversation that I had with a room full of 8 year old children and their conservative parents.




kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei? Did he eat a female reproductive organ?
jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani? female reproductive organs taste delicious, Don't you like female reproductive organs?


If you haven't figured out the WORD it rhymes with cussy hagina or even HUNT! yaaaaa so I'm taking some lessons and thinking about staying for a second year, but don't worry I'm sure I will make a whirlwind tour of the states between contracts. So that's my life in a nut shell. Hope everyone and everything is well.

HELP

After 160 day and 24 posts my well runneth dry.

I am still enjoying writing this blog and would like to continue but I have run out of topics, this is where YOU come in....What would YOU like to read about? 

 

How can you say no to that face?!

Please feel free to ask a question or suggest a topic by simply clicking the comment button below. Don't forget to add your name so I can give credit where credit is due. 
Will

Maybe it's not so bad

So Steve leaving us hanging high and dry last week was unpleasant but overall it hasn't been that big of a deal. Joe and the Korean teachers really stepped up and made it less painful. I still had to drag my butt out of bed at 8am, with a cold, on a Saturday, to chaperon a field trip to Suwon fortress, but it turned out to be pretty cool. There were a ton of exhibits and cheap souvenirs the only downside were all the kids....what a drag! They were actually all ridiculously cute and fun as seen in the next picture:

They found a hill to slide down...it was hilarious until the crying started.

On Sunday I also, finally, ate the forbidden meat. I had Boshintang (dog meat stew), and it was delicious. That's right, it wasn't just good, or ok, it was delicious! I know what your saying, "freak, sicko, ewwww, I had dogs I could never!" The truth is I grew up with dogs my whole life and I loved them very much. Maggie was the best dog, she loved us, and we loved her. Man....talking about dogs is making me hungry. 

 How can you say that doesn't look good?

Oh and a quick what the K#REA moment....that's a live lobster in a claw machine.... If you have to ask if I played...YOU DON'T KNOW ME.

That machine got at least 5 bucks out of me....I will win.

This day will be known as

F.U.C.K. Day (Foreigner Unhappy with Current Kareer Day) April 7th 2011

Steve is my co-worker who has been less than satisfied with LCI. It has come to my attention that he has in fact become so dissatisfied that he purchased a plane ticket and will be leaving tomorrow. He "has written a note to our boss" but he's left Jessica and I to cover his S.H.I.T (Stuff He Isn't Tying-up). His S.H.I.T includes a field trip this Saturday, "open class" (parents come in to see their kids in class) next week, Oh ya and all his classes every day 8 hours a day. Steve will be forever synonymous with F.U.C.K.


My LCI time will surely be defined as Pre-Steve-Leaving and ASS (After Steve Skedaddled)


1   A.S.S.


The full implications of what has occurred truly dawned on me today.
It has been awkward at LCI, we are covering classes and telling parents that Steve's Grandma and or Grandpa died (I have heard both stories). I have a field trip to Suwon traditional village tomorrow with twenty students....so that should be fun. F.U. Steve (Fuck yoU.....I ran out of clever acronyms)