Day One

Thank you everyone for the great support and positive feedback. I am happy to report that Monday came and went with out me going to school and with out me second guessing my decision....too much. I did however find it difficult to try and explain to people why I wasn't in class or "what exactly is it that you do?"
The first question, although a little embarrassing, was easy enough to answer, "I wasn't ready" "I really just didn't want to go" "It's not the right path/time". The second question however was much more fundamental and something I have struggled with for years.
When asked "what do you do?" I often look to Katrina (usually standing next to me when asked) and say "Well SHE is a professor at a local community college." Which inevitably leads to further questions like "oh what do you teach?" and "gosh that sounds hard, how do you do it?" By the time the person is done grilling Kat I have stealthily moved to the other side of the room or busied myself with a very entertaining piece of lint attached to my shirt. I have become an avoidance ninja able to steer even the most uncomfortable topics to a variety of different "safe" topics. I feel uncomfortable with answering the question because, although I feel like I have done some really awesome amazing things, the things I do are often hard to quantify or the job I have doesn't define what I "do". Because of this disconnect I often add disclaimers, usually eluding to future endeavors, like school or past exploits like travel or fulfilling work. It looks a little something like this:

"so what do you do?

(shit Kat is no where to be seen...avoidance ninja GO!)
"Well, I just got back from Hawaii where I was a program director for a large non profit"*

"Wow Hawaii" he says with a twinkle in his eye, imagining palm trees and sandy beaches, avoidance ninja has done his job again...but wait. "what brought you back to Washington...its so cold?!"

"hahaha, ya I get asked that a lot..." (avoidance ninja I need you!) "I'm going to be going to school in the Fall for a degree in material science"**

"very cool, wait don't you sell appliances at Home Depot?"

(I pretend to hear someone calling from other room) "sorry, hold that thought I'll be right back"***



*translation= I was important and had a job title and buisness cards and everything...I'm an adult!
**translation= I'm very studious and am looking forward to further matriculation in this fast paced exciting future world of composites, furthermore buzz word, important detail, soft chuckle of Apollo astronaut, ya know all in a days work...p.s. I'm amazing.
***translation= Bitch....I aint never coming back, don't be fuckin' with an avoidance ninja.



In all seriousness though, I have trouble answering that question because as embarrassing as it might be to admit, I care what people think about me. That statement I feel is very taboo in my generation; it's like we are supposed to forget that there are other people out there with opinions. To form opinions is human nature. Is it so wrong of me to want those opinions to be good when referred to me? I've had this conversation with other people who say "who cares what other people think?!"    YOU.... YOU DO!  ------> Secrets...if you have a secret (ANY SECRET) from the world it's because you care what others will think about it.
OK...that might have been a bit of a tangent but I'm going to leave it and leave you with the question: In YOUR opinion How should I respond to the question "what do you do?"