It's finally Friday and me and the boys decide to blow off some steam. 3 whiskey cokes later I'm ready to hit the town. We end up at Truck with my good friend John, his wife Jehyun and Dave. We have a pleasant evening. Then we go to dinner around 3 or 4 am (time is irrelevant) at the chicken galbi place that I once accidentally bailed on the tab. (but that's another story) We eat and after a million international drunk dail attempts I instead insult the South African at the table (not even with a tasteless apartheid joke). So I pay my bill and peace out to walk home and attempt a million more drunk dials. On my way home I see a tree....not just any tree....a huge tree. It looks amazing and I must climb it (even if it is 4am .....or so). I wander off the well lit road in search of this massive oak. As I crest the hill I am mesmerized, staring at the huge umbrella of foliage, then suddenly I am face first in a ditch, my legs are throbbing and I am completely disoriented. I have stepped into a 2 foot deep cement ditch that was covered over with weeds. I detangle myself and stand up but discover that I am minus a shoe. I get on my hands and knees with my cellphone in hand for light and look and look and look and look but it has disappeared. I yelled out a long string of English and Korean curse words then turned for home and limped back bleeding from both shins.
I feel there should be some sort of moral to this story but the truth is I'm glad I walked up there, it's somewhere that I have looked at and thought looked neat but never went to. Never mind F that! I just looked down and noticed that I ripped off a chunk of my big toenail in my adventure last night no wonder my foot was throbbing too. I'm going back to sleep. Goodnight.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Chuseok
Chuseok is Korea's answer to Thanksgiving. It's pretty much the same thing.... but totally different.
That's right! It's time for another thrilling episode of "Same Same but Different".
Welcome back to another episode of Same Same but Different, I'm your host Kim Jong Will and today we will be comparing two thanksgiving celebrations to determine which country is truly superior. Let's get right to it. You know the rules: three categories only one winner.
Category ONE FOOD
Thanksgiving:
Turkey
Mashed potatoes
Green bean casserole
Gravy
No kimchee
Stuffing
Cranberry salad
Chuseok:
Kimchee
Rice cakes with raisins
I think this battles winner is obvious if you don't agree you
can shut your lying stupid kimchee eating mouth.
Category TWO Tradition
Thanksgiving:
Giving thanks
Being racially incentive
Yelling at family members
Chuseok:
Hamboks (traditional wear)
Cleaning graves of relitaves
Playing games
Visiting family
Korean wrestling
No surprise here Chuseok has been celebrated since 57 BC, where as Thanksgiving has been around as long as your local 7-11.
Tied at 1 to 1 we need an impartial way to decide the ultimate winner. The two holidays will have a picture battle royal.
Google if you will:
Google if you will:
"Thanksgiving" "Chuseok"
Chuseok scored with the cats but thanksgiving has sexy Indians.
It's a toss up. We can't have a tie so here for your viewing pleasure is a super extra bonus tiebreaker video.
It appears Chuseok has won! ...eh who am I kidding Thanksgiving won me with "Turkey".
75 Days till Thanksgiving Bitches!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Time to Kill
I haven't posted in many a moon but I have a good reason: I didn't want to. Ya maybe throw in a little laziness and a bit of busyness but really I just had other, not even better, things to do. I have also, since my last post, had a mild case of home sickness (or what I like to refer to as "I want to get the f*ck out of Korea sickness"). These bouts of IWTGTFOOKS come and go and often last only a few weeks, but this current case has me itching for a plane ticket. Don't get me wrong I still love Korea, but some of the magic has rubbed off. Being lost and illiterate has lost its charms. It's no longer an adventure now it's just annoying. That said, I have been having some great adventures and now I will leave you to see them in the best format I know, photo collage with sarcastic subtitles, ENJOY!
Ok so a bunch of really cool fun stuff happened but also I was hospitalized for 5 days with pneumonia so ya that sucked. p.s. pneumonia sucks. p.p.s pneumonia sucks even more in a Korean hospital where no one speaks English and seams surprised every time you say you don't speak Korean.
66 more days and I'll be back in the states for better or worse. I thought I would "figure out my 'life' in a year in Korea" surprise! didn't work that way?! If you have any suggestions or invitations feel free to post those in the comments section.
Before Mud Fest, with some good friends, MinJae Dave, Ashton, Aaron...AND MAX
After
Our bus driver getting lost on the way TO AND FROM rafting.
Snack on the bus, perfectly timed photo....love it.
The crew.
Mommy and Daddy visited and I showed off my sick new ink.
First comes Beer
Then comes Karaoke
Busan, who knew Korea was this beautiful, why am I in the north again?
Can you see the pain? Staring into the sun as the photographer takes "just one more shot" for the fifth time.
What could all these people stopping to take pictures of?
Oh just the silly white people dancing.
Seoul
Back to "work" these kids teach themselves, score.
Johns wedding, proof white guys "do well in Korea"
Lookin' like a boss in my suit.
More proof white guys "do well in Korea"
Korean kids are the cutest damn kids in the world, don't even try and argue it.
Breakfast (nothing edible but rice...mmmm rice)
66 more days and I'll be back in the states for better or worse. I thought I would "figure out my 'life' in a year in Korea" surprise! didn't work that way?! If you have any suggestions or invitations feel free to post those in the comments section.
Friday, July 8, 2011
H 2 ....
O MY GOD!
The rainy season has started....and it's every where! Rain that is....ya you expect it in all the classic locations, outside, ummm well mostly there, but in Korea they take rain to a whole new level, I like to call it "rainnest". It is like rain only more! Take a recent camping trip for example:
My boss invited the foreign teachers to go camping on the ocean for one night, we voiced our concerns about the possibility of rain and were reassured that it was only going to rain on Sunday. The fact that we were camping ON Sunday didn't seem to bother my boss-man so we all agreed and set out on an "adventure". We got to the beach and set up camp mid Saturday evening, drank and ate till we could explode, then drank and ate more. We had beef, pork, and duck plus all the sides you can imagine. It was great. We spent the evening in ignorant bliss, playing cards, throwing a baseball, little did we know that our lives were about to change.
Everyone went to sleep when it started to sprinkle around 11pm. 1am SUNDAY I woke up in a two inch deep puddle, in my tent, where water of any depth should never be. The rest of the night was spent bailing water out of the roof of the collapsing tent Lewis's family was "sleeping" in. (sleep was not possible at this point due to the constant rolling thunder and pounding rain pummeling everyone and everything too stupid to not be inside). By 6am when we finally decided to pack up and leave there was a 5 inch deep 30' wide lake surrounding the tents.
Back to my house I thought I was safe but no...it appears Korean windows were not designed for use in aquatic conditions. I opened my bathroom door to discover a new water feature that I did not remember installing. Strangely the same phenomenon was occurring in the kitchen. The windows are leakier than a sieve. When you need more than one sham-wow to contain the water coming from you closed windows you know you have a problem, but when you need 4, yes 4 super-absorbent-made-in-Germany-limited-time-offer-Sham-Wows, you are just screwed.
Lastly I finally gave in and bought, well mooched for free, an umbrella, the trouble is:
Umbrellas are great for up-and-down-rain. (standard-run-of-the-mill falling-from-the-sky-rain)
BUT....they are not so hot at blocking "slantyrain". Slantyrain is rain that defies the laws of physics by saying "fuck you" to gravity and just doing what ever the fuck it wants. Slantyrain is kind of a bad ass, it falls down with the rest of the "normal" rain but when it decides that it wants to try something different, it does it. Slantyrain is the "second shooter" of rain. It goes straight down aiming for your umbrella then takes an abrupt 90* right turn straight into your face. You are it's bitch and there is nothing you can do about it but say thank you and ask for more, which it will promptly give you.
So that video had nothing to do with slantyrain but....it was pretty cute and if you don't know the reference you have missed one of the greatest movies of all time.
The rainy season has started....and it's every where! Rain that is....ya you expect it in all the classic locations, outside, ummm well mostly there, but in Korea they take rain to a whole new level, I like to call it "rainnest". It is like rain only more! Take a recent camping trip for example:
My boss invited the foreign teachers to go camping on the ocean for one night, we voiced our concerns about the possibility of rain and were reassured that it was only going to rain on Sunday. The fact that we were camping ON Sunday didn't seem to bother my boss-man so we all agreed and set out on an "adventure". We got to the beach and set up camp mid Saturday evening, drank and ate till we could explode, then drank and ate more. We had beef, pork, and duck plus all the sides you can imagine. It was great. We spent the evening in ignorant bliss, playing cards, throwing a baseball, little did we know that our lives were about to change.
Everyone went to sleep when it started to sprinkle around 11pm. 1am SUNDAY I woke up in a two inch deep puddle, in my tent, where water of any depth should never be. The rest of the night was spent bailing water out of the roof of the collapsing tent Lewis's family was "sleeping" in. (sleep was not possible at this point due to the constant rolling thunder and pounding rain pummeling everyone and everything too stupid to not be inside). By 6am when we finally decided to pack up and leave there was a 5 inch deep 30' wide lake surrounding the tents.
Back to my house I thought I was safe but no...it appears Korean windows were not designed for use in aquatic conditions. I opened my bathroom door to discover a new water feature that I did not remember installing. Strangely the same phenomenon was occurring in the kitchen. The windows are leakier than a sieve. When you need more than one sham-wow to contain the water coming from you closed windows you know you have a problem, but when you need 4, yes 4 super-absorbent-made-in-Germany-limited-time-offer-Sham-Wows, you are just screwed.
Lastly I finally gave in and bought, well mooched for free, an umbrella, the trouble is:
Umbrellas are great for up-and-down-rain. (standard-run-of-the-mill falling-from-the-sky-rain)
BUT....they are not so hot at blocking "slantyrain". Slantyrain is rain that defies the laws of physics by saying "fuck you" to gravity and just doing what ever the fuck it wants. Slantyrain is kind of a bad ass, it falls down with the rest of the "normal" rain but when it decides that it wants to try something different, it does it. Slantyrain is the "second shooter" of rain. It goes straight down aiming for your umbrella then takes an abrupt 90* right turn straight into your face. You are it's bitch and there is nothing you can do about it but say thank you and ask for more, which it will promptly give you.
So that video had nothing to do with slantyrain but....it was pretty cute and if you don't know the reference you have missed one of the greatest movies of all time.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I've been poked...
...in the butt more times this week than your mom! (and that's saying something)
After a mid-week-drinking-binge I developed a soar throat and a fever. Was it from the $20-3hour-all-you-can-drink-special that I took as a personal challenge, or was I just due for a summer cold? We may never know but what I am sure of is this, I spent half of the following day pretending to teach class and the other half in the bathroom wanting to throw up (I was never successful on that front by the way *PUKE FREE!). This isn't my usual attitude toward teaching, I actually do care about my job, my kids education, and the schools reputation, my only explanation is that things got out of hand, as they are want to do when you offer a mid-week-20$-3hour-all-you-can-drink-special!
Now I bet you are wondering what does all this have to do with butt poking? Glad you asked! No, it has nothing to do with a guy named Russel who likes to dress up like Minni Pearl and uses the word fist as a verb. No, it's a Korea thing, if you go to the doctor, like I did, you get a shot...in the butt. Doesn't matter what the ailment is the answer is always a shot in the butt. I returned to the doctor today cause I'm not feeling up to par quite yet and shot in the butt.
My diagnosis is tonsillitis, only the millionth time in my life. Never have I hated one of my organs more than my tonsils. This is official now, tonsils you are on notice, screw me over seven or eight more times and your f'ing out of here!
Oh ya and for all of you who read this .....um...writing? I am actually working on writing a little bit about my work and fan death and all those other things you suggested I talk about, sorry it's taking so long but those pee and fart jokes don't write themselves.
Lastly I'll leave you with a picture of me in a really high hammock for absolutely no good reason.
Oh and Happy Father's Day Dad hope your enjoying Alaska!
After a mid-week-drinking-binge I developed a soar throat and a fever. Was it from the $20-3hour-all-you-can-drink-special that I took as a personal challenge, or was I just due for a summer cold? We may never know but what I am sure of is this, I spent half of the following day pretending to teach class and the other half in the bathroom wanting to throw up (I was never successful on that front by the way *PUKE FREE!). This isn't my usual attitude toward teaching, I actually do care about my job, my kids education, and the schools reputation, my only explanation is that things got out of hand, as they are want to do when you offer a mid-week-20$-3hour-all-you-can-drink-special!
Now I bet you are wondering what does all this have to do with butt poking? Glad you asked! No, it has nothing to do with a guy named Russel who likes to dress up like Minni Pearl and uses the word fist as a verb. No, it's a Korea thing, if you go to the doctor, like I did, you get a shot...in the butt. Doesn't matter what the ailment is the answer is always a shot in the butt. I returned to the doctor today cause I'm not feeling up to par quite yet and shot in the butt.
My diagnosis is tonsillitis, only the millionth time in my life. Never have I hated one of my organs more than my tonsils. This is official now, tonsils you are on notice, screw me over seven or eight more times and your f'ing out of here!
Oh ya and for all of you who read this .....um...writing? I am actually working on writing a little bit about my work and fan death and all those other things you suggested I talk about, sorry it's taking so long but those pee and fart jokes don't write themselves.
Lastly I'll leave you with a picture of me in a really high hammock for absolutely no good reason.
Friday, June 10, 2011
I Need YOU
I need some help:
My boss has asked me to stay an extra three months till February and I don't know what to do. He wants me to "make him an offer". I think I am going to stay in Korea for another year but I was planning on ending my contract in November then traveling a bit before starting a new contract in February. What should I do?
Oh and secondly:
I have a week off in August for summer break. What should I do? I have been kicking around going for a ridiculous bike trip much like this one. I want to ride all the way across the country from Seoul to Busan. It is 500K which fur us Mericans its 310miles. I have 10 days so it should be PLENTY of time. Or I could relax or travel some where or go flying....I really want to do the bike trip but I am nervous I don't ever travel by myself, I think I might get bored or dead. Oh and the heat, that is the hottest time in Korea averaging 80F and record of 95F with a billion percent humidity (that might be a slight exaggeration).
So anyway what should I do? Leave a comment tell me you opinion!
My boss has asked me to stay an extra three months till February and I don't know what to do. He wants me to "make him an offer". I think I am going to stay in Korea for another year but I was planning on ending my contract in November then traveling a bit before starting a new contract in February. What should I do?
Oh and secondly:
I have a week off in August for summer break. What should I do? I have been kicking around going for a ridiculous bike trip much like this one. I want to ride all the way across the country from Seoul to Busan. It is 500K which fur us Mericans its 310miles. I have 10 days so it should be PLENTY of time. Or I could relax or travel some where or go flying....I really want to do the bike trip but I am nervous I don't ever travel by myself, I think I might get bored or dead. Oh and the heat, that is the hottest time in Korea averaging 80F and record of 95F with a billion percent humidity (that might be a slight exaggeration).So anyway what should I do? Leave a comment tell me you opinion!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Way Over Due
It's been a while since I last posted. First off, Thank you to everyone who suggested topics for further posts. I will be cover all of them in the coming months.
I think my lack of interest in posting is actually me just not being surprised by anything here any more. It used to be that every time I saw waiters in costumes serving ridiculous food I had to snap a picture and make a comment about it, but now it all seems sooo....normal? I have been here for near 7 months and I think I have finally Koreanized.
What's new? Well I'm taking Korean lessons because of an interesting situation just the other day (zoom in to shimmer fade)
Setting: Class Room on Parents day
William Teacher: ....Wow class wasn't that a great story?!
9 eight year old students + parents: ............ (stare back blankly)
William Teacher: (Don't panic they are just nervous because their parents are there....just go slow...Ask a question!) Ummmm so What food did the fox eat in the story?
Students: ...............
William Teacher: Ok ummm did he eat .......uh pizza?
Students: ........no?
William Teacher: (thank god! ok roll with it....) noooo he didn't eat pizza, did he eat chicken?
Students: .....no.
William Teacher: (ok one more and your on a roll then hit them with the real question and they'll answer hahaha You are awesome, such a good teacher! now to wow the parents...use a little korean hehehe ya that's what I'll do cause I am awesome.....have I been silent this whole time...oh no uhhh just say something!) kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei?
9 eight year old students + parents: ........ (blank stares and mild laughter)
William Teacher: (roll with it...its ok uhhhh I KNOW use MORE Korean! that will surely fix everything) jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani?
9 eight year old students + parents: ......... (horrified looks and a lot of red faces)
It got a little fuzzy after this I at least stopped attempting Korean which was for the best because I later realized my attempted conversation and my actual conversation were ever so slightly different.
What I TRIED to say:
kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei? Did he eat tuna?
jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani? Tuna tastes delicious, Don't you like tuna?
Now to understand the issue here is a quick vocabulary lesson CHamchi= tuna
Jamchi= a vulgar word for the female reproductive organ.
So lets replay this conversation that I had with a room full of 8 year old children and their conservative parents.
kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei? Did he eat a female reproductive organ?
jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani? female reproductive organs taste delicious, Don't you like female reproductive organs?
If you haven't figured out the WORD it rhymes with cussy hagina or even HUNT! yaaaaa so I'm taking some lessons and thinking about staying for a second year, but don't worry I'm sure I will make a whirlwind tour of the states between contracts. So that's my life in a nut shell. Hope everyone and everything is well.
I think my lack of interest in posting is actually me just not being surprised by anything here any more. It used to be that every time I saw waiters in costumes serving ridiculous food I had to snap a picture and make a comment about it, but now it all seems sooo....normal? I have been here for near 7 months and I think I have finally Koreanized.
What's new? Well I'm taking Korean lessons because of an interesting situation just the other day (zoom in to shimmer fade)
Setting: Class Room on Parents day
William Teacher: ....Wow class wasn't that a great story?!
9 eight year old students + parents: ............ (stare back blankly)
William Teacher: (Don't panic they are just nervous because their parents are there....just go slow...Ask a question!) Ummmm so What food did the fox eat in the story?
Students: ...............
William Teacher: Ok ummm did he eat .......uh pizza?
Students: ........no?
William Teacher: (thank god! ok roll with it....) noooo he didn't eat pizza, did he eat chicken?
Students: .....no.
William Teacher: (ok one more and your on a roll then hit them with the real question and they'll answer hahaha You are awesome, such a good teacher! now to wow the parents...use a little korean hehehe ya that's what I'll do cause I am awesome.....have I been silent this whole time...oh no uhhh just say something!) kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei?
9 eight year old students + parents: ........ (blank stares and mild laughter)
William Teacher: (roll with it...its ok uhhhh I KNOW use MORE Korean! that will surely fix everything) jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani?
9 eight year old students + parents: ......... (horrified looks and a lot of red faces)
It got a little fuzzy after this I at least stopped attempting Korean which was for the best because I later realized my attempted conversation and my actual conversation were ever so slightly different.
What I TRIED to say:
kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei? Did he eat tuna?
jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani? Tuna tastes delicious, Don't you like tuna?
Now to understand the issue here is a quick vocabulary lesson CHamchi= tuna
Jamchi= a vulgar word for the female reproductive organ.
So lets replay this conversation that I had with a room full of 8 year old children and their conservative parents.
kgonamja jamchilul mogkolei? Did he eat a female reproductive organ?
jamchi mashesio, nonun jamchi joahani? female reproductive organs taste delicious, Don't you like female reproductive organs?
If you haven't figured out the WORD it rhymes with cussy hagina or even HUNT! yaaaaa so I'm taking some lessons and thinking about staying for a second year, but don't worry I'm sure I will make a whirlwind tour of the states between contracts. So that's my life in a nut shell. Hope everyone and everything is well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)