The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful

The adventures of four friends in the Philippines:


Day 1
We  flew from Incheon International to Cebu International. Flight time 4 hours, three beers and half a bottle of Crown between us. A WAY overpriced cab ride to Isla resort, and we were there. 3am, what better time to go for a walk? 
I left the gates of the resort after talking with the armed guards who suggested this might not be the best time for a stroll. For some reason I was determined to walk where I want when I wanted. They allowed me to leave but said again not to stray too far. I walked for about 20 min before turning around. In that time I was offered prostitutes three times and almost ran over twice. I also stepped in a rather sizable puddle. Back in the comfort of the hotel room I laid down to sleep...

Day 2
5am (one hour of sleep) I wake up to a knock at the door and welcomed Ben, Kate's friend from Singapore. We celebrated his arrival with a drink from the now half empty bottle of Crown. We dozed for an hour then got up for breakfast. The morning was spent swimming and lounging by the pool. For lunch we went to one of the best buffets I have ever been to. We all ate till we hurt. We walked around for several hours trying to work off the massive meal. We got an hour long, intense, massage for under 10 bucks. The massage resembles full body combat at times, at one point I was sure my masseuse is trying to dislocate my shoulder in the most relaxing way possible. 
I left Day Tree Shade Spa feeling relaxed and refreshed. We finished the evening in another resort's bar where I decided to "buy the whole bar a shot of tequila". (side note, I have always wanted to do that) Luckily there was only one other person in the bar at the time so he came and joined us. His name was John Cripps and he lives on the island for half the year. We had some great conversations and a few good laughs. When the bill came, 4 hours and MANY drinks later, John offered to pick up the tab. We argued but he insisted so we allowed him to pay. (during the conversations we learned that he was in fact a multimillionaire...so we didn't feel too bad).

Day 3
We woke up late and set out to find a beach to enjoy for the day. The beach everyone insisted was the best in Cebu was behind a mega resort on the other side of the island. We took a cab to check it out. We were kicked off the grounds within 10min. The beach, like the rest on the island, was "private". We were given the option of paying about $18 each for the pleasure of staying or we could "get the F@%K off their property". We chose the latter and I am glad we did. 
A block away we talked to the owner of a dive shop who knew a guy with a boat that would give us a tour all day for about $60. $12 each for the boat plus another $3 each for food. It got us a boat, snorkel equipment, company of our three crew, a couple of coconuts, beer, soda, coffee, 2 chickens, and about enough rice to feed half the country. We ate, we swam, we took silly pictures.
Sailing in the warm water, one of the crew sat with me and we talked about traveling, girls and tattoos. He wanted to do two of the topics and asked how much the third had cost me. I had a moment of embarrassment as I realized how much "disposable income" had gone into my tattoos. The one he asked about was the newest and most expensive. I told him I spent $150 (I didn't mention the $30 tip I also paid). Then multiplied for him and explained it was about 6450 pesos, the local cash. That amount would have been able to buy about 70 roasted chickens, or 174 beers at the bar, or 32 trips though an all you can eat sea food buffet. I felt guilty. These people had spent the last few days calling me sir and waiting on me as if I were royalty. I am no better than them I want them to have just as much as me.
We tipped very well and went home. We stayed up late talking.

Day 4
We woke up late again and had breakfast. We took a cab to the Tree Shade Spa and again got pummeled by small women. We went directly to the airport and spent the next hour getting ringed dry of every last peso we had. A mandatory 550 peso "airport usage fee" was my favorite. I bought a small plate of spaghetti covered in soy sauce, on the menu it was called "Chow Mein". It cost me another 400 pesos, the equivalent on the street could have gotten me three chickens and a couple sides of rice. It was obvious they knew they had a captive audience.
Another 4 hour flight returned us to snow.


The Good, The Bad, The Beautiful:
It was hot, sunny, relaxing, and pretty. But every where you looked there was poverty beyond belief. It was sometimes hard to enjoy myself among all that need. Yet I have returned to my life and want the same things I ever did, a new bike or a nicer camera. They were just getting by, many by working 12 hour shifts 6 day a week. I will work half as much make their years income in one month and still I want more. There is something wrong here and I don't know how to fix it. On a lighter note...


A few pictures from the trip:

 Why yes that IS a colt 45?!

 This was Greggy....a very nice bar tender.

My Amigos: Kate, Sharron, and Jessica

 Some cool fishys

 Gotta love Koreans and their love of the peace sign.

 Our boat

Wait....how did that get in there.

 (sadly this picture was taken while completely sober. I was told to pose "sexy")

A little Christmas Chear

Before I start this post it has come to my attention that many of you, faithful readers, are offended by my lack of proof reading, high number of typos, lack of structure, direction, and misspellings. Some one, actually many, even went as far as to infer that I lack the basic knowledge to be considered a native English speaker. To that I say "Phhhsssshhaww" Ya, that's right, I scoff at your assessment of my English-languagey-userness-niner. Further more, I ask YOU, "who is the English teacher?" You? I think not! (unless, of course, you are and in that case, I'm sorry for my foolishness). So before you cast the proverbial first stone go here and read these Curling jokes. (you get it they use "stones" in curling) 
So from now on my blog will carry a consumer warning. It will read as follows. *This blog does not adhere to a set of "rules" that may hinder the vision and creativity of its' writer. This blog may be: profane, grammatically incorrect, full of spelling errors, lack direction or even substance. This blog is only meant for the enjoyment of it's writer and reader(s). Do not take this blog orally, if ingested consult a mortician immediately.


Now that we have that unpleasantness behind us, it is Christmas Eve. At work today we had a Christmas party that looked a little like this.

Ok so on a cuteness scale that was pretty damn high. We're talking like a 9/9.5. Way better than this video of a cat being wrapped up like a Christmas present. (Although I submit it IS quite cute and I am responsible for 2 of the 3,969,002 views but I still say my kids singing off key, off beat, while wearing pipe cleaner reindeer antlers is very cute.)

All this talk of cute has reminded me that I need to also assert my masculine side, but alas my bubble bath has been drawn and my "sleepy-time-chamomile-rose-petal-infused-all-natural-herbal-100%-organic-eco-friendly-man-tea" is starting to get cold. So good night and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a decent New Year.


*Off to the Philippines on the 27 for 5ish days, so I will be incommunicado. Though I am sure I'll have plenty to post upon my return.

1 Month Down

And The Pictures to Prove it:

 Ansan @ Night

 My Ping Pong Bong* (*translates to room but isn't alliteration fun?)

 The cleanest freshest water from....wait a minute?!?!

 My first home made waffles

 Mandu how I love you

 Korean BBQ w/egg ring thingy this was a like 5$ meal.

 Flying in Chenchun

 One of my super cute kiddos

 My Apt. w/laundry

 My one-month-and-counting-cold

 A cool bar cat shaved to look like a lion.

 Obama socks...

 The most amazing thing you can put in your mouth.

 Will's Cafe?    (funny side note they wouldn't let us in?!?)

 no comment

 More silliness at school

 Giant Hershey's display right next to Giant seaweed display

Ansan

I POOP In My Apartment

Time for another installment in "What The Korea!?!?" Please welcome our host Kim Jong Will with a few more interesting facts about Korea:

#2?
I have yet to defecate any where other than my apartment because, very few stores have their own restroom, the public restrooms don't have TP, soap?...no, lastly squaty-potty. The squatter is just that, you hover above a hole in the ground while trying to do your thing, and I am not interested in trying any time soon if it can be avoided.

Trash?
I have yet to see a garbage can/truck/dumpster/fire barrel?  I have been told to separate my recyclables from trash then take it all and heap it on the nearest pile I see in the alley or on the street. Besides the obvious question, why separate if it all goes back together? I think the more interesting question is where does it go and how does it get there? There are old men and women pulling carts collecting recyclables but this can't account for everything. Ansan is "dirty" but not "heap-your-garbage-on-the-street-with-no-real-organization-dirty"


Parer or plastic?
At Home Plus (my "Wallmart-on-crack") you can't get a bag to carry your groceries home in, instead you "build a box" with tape provided, kind of self serve Costco-ish. This alone is not that strange, after all soon most of the states will likely have a "no bag law", but if I go next door to Lotteria (fast food place) and order a combo I will get two plastic bags, four paper bags, and two wrappers. How you ask? Why? I don't know but this is how. *YOU can keep score at home just count on your fingers to see how many bags I can get!* Fries: fry sleeve, small paper bag, big paper bag w/burger, then a plastic.
Burger: wrapper, small bag, big paper bag w/fries, then the plastic.
Drink: cup, lid taped on, in a paper bag, in a plastic bag.


Germs?
The Korean mask is worn on the train to protect against the crowd but the bathroom at the station will not have TP or soap. No gloves to take blood at the hospital but I couldn't stay if it was found I had AIDS (I don't by the way! My boss announced it to me and my co-workers, along with my blood pressure, weight, height, well everything). Family style dining is the norm with shared sides that I'm not sure have been refrigerated.


This has been another installment of What The Korea!?!? Thanks for playing at home!


In other news I'm still doing great. I have made a few friends, found some new places, and learned some more Korean. Pictures are stiiiiilllllll coming...I swear!

Little Diffrences Can Be Dramatic

A visit to the hospital today was...curious? First off I am OK my sickness is not exactly getting better but it sure isn't getting worse. *knock on wood...I would if I could find any in my plastic apt.
The visit to the hospital was to have some tests done to make sure I am fit to educate Korean children. My adventure started at the front door where an old man walking with a cane, who had obviously peed himself, walked past leaving puddles every step he took. He didn't seem too concerned nor did the staff walking past him. Next a man rolled a woman on a stretcher past me, nearly crushing my feet. Looking back at him I realized he wasn't an orderly, he was a relative, all the patience I saw today were pushed by family. I was whisked from station to station: check my teeth here, listen to my heart and lungs there, measure my weight height and BMI, then an unnecessary x-ray of my chest for fun, the best for last Urine and Blood!
I sat in the chair I was directed to and waited as the nurse made phone calls. A child of maybe 4 walked out of a room with a giant HAZMAT sticker across the door. He stood on the chair across from me next to the nurse on the phone. He proceeded to turn equipment on and off, pick up test tubes put them in his mouth then replace them at random. The nurse watched this with passive recognition. Was it "bring your kid to work-and expose-him-to-all-sorts-of-dangerous-things day"? I don't know but this is just the beginning of odd Korean phlebotomy practices.
Done with the phone conversation he replaces the receiver and grabs a needle. I notice he has missed a step but give the professional the benefit of doubt. "He won't really take blood from me with out washing his hands or dawning gloves...will he?" *Oh side note he also handled my urine sample, sans-gloves, while on the phone.* One swipe of the alcohol swab then with his bare finger he pokes the freshly "sterilized" spot on my arm, finding the vein. The needle goes in and the blood is drawn.
Back out the front door we have to squeeze past the truck that has backed up to the double doors to load soiled laundry. I could see a loading dock several feet from where I stand but the front doors was where he parked...Only in Korea. Today was an adventure all it's own. I truly can't believe I have been here for only two weeks it feels like a very long time, not in a bad way, just an observation. I had a few requests for my address; I will provide the schools as it will be easiest and most likely to be delivered.
LCI Kids Club C.O. William Teacher
660-8 LCI Acadamy B/D
E-Dong Ansan-Si
Kyunggi-Do, 426-857 South Korea


Oh and NO I am not near the bombing in the north...although we have been directed to have our travel documents on hand and a bag packed in case we are evacuated?!

What just happened?

Where to start? 
Well...I met this father and son paragliding duo on a forum and have been discussing flying in Korea for a few months. Turns out they live very close to me and were going flying in Cheomchun this weekend and invited me along. So good so far.
I rode to trains at 6am to get to Song Tan Station in Osan. Somehow my 1hour trip took me near two and I was 20 minutes late meeting them at the station. This is where things get interesting. Feeling bad I naturally apologized profusely. Most people would reply "oh no worries" or "it's ok we were actually running late too" but I got "meh well we were here thirty minutes early". Then I was all but ignored as the family squabbled among themselves, in the car were two sons a daughter a mother and their father. Father, Paul, is an overbearing, socially awkward,  white army guy who belongs in the 1950's. His wife plays the role of submissive Korean wife happy to have a man that supports her and also takes care of all her thinking. Some of the family is dropped off and all that is left is me Paul and Allan. They open up when they start poring some of Paul's home mad whiskey. It was delicious! 
We took four flights in the smoothest air I had ever had the pleasure of flying. The club they are part of consisted of twenty 40+ year old pilots. They were very nice but spoke almost no English. We ate dinner at  a place half way between a restaurant and a home. The woman cooked for us and one other table then sat down and ate and drank with us. As a guest many toasts were made to me and I consumed large amounts of soju. Paul got drunk.
For the next several hours after dinner he told me his life story. It consisted of: drugs (EVERY drug you can think of), the devil telling him to do things, and finding Jesus Christ his personal lord and savior. He ranted about weird stuff. Allen excused himself and made himself scares for the next few hours. I found him later in the hall when I left to make an imaginary phone call. He said that his dad is harmless but it's embarrassing to see him like that. That's the SHORT version of the nights escapades. 
The next morning everything was back to normal, as normal as this man can be. We met the club and i found out there was a competition today, spot landing. The top prize 300,000 won! (about $300) I came in for a landing, perfect heading, perfect height, "I was going to WIN!". A strong thermal, now I am too high, turn to loose altitude, now I'm off course, back on course but too low! 10' short, a horrible showing for the USA. All in all 4 flights the first day and three the second, this was an amazing trip, awkward at times, but amazing.
This post has taken me three days to write, between being ill and working I only get to write in ten minute chunks here and there. Thank you for reading and posting comments, it really helps me stay connected to my old home. Pictures coming soon.

I am...WILLIAM TEACHER!

First day of class today was long and stressful, but a day full of cute children calling me William Teacher made my day OK. I actually loved my Kindergarten classes, they are so full of energy and enthusiasm. The older kids are fun because you can have near natural conversations with them. I also teach the most advanced children at our school, they never cease to amaze me with their comprehension and vocabulary. Then there is The Class. *Cue dramatic music (dum dum dummmmmm) They really test me, speaking Korean (I think about me), moving, yelling, fighting, lying, everything a child their age does ;) It is difficult but I'll make it. I feel unprepared and over whelmed from time to time. I am still ridiculously happy about being here. It's nine am so I best post this get dressed and rush off to school. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive, you'll be recieving postcards as soon as I find a place that sells postcards.

Many Happy Fun Time

The flight was quicker then I expected. Twelve hours actually passed with two movies, a measly 50 pages read in a book, a little sleep and a few meals. At immigration I was selected for a “random screening”. It consisted of me waiting in various chairs for intervals of 10-20 minutes. In these chairs I was facing bureaucracy and he had no interest in “chit-chat”. Finally he motioned toward the door and said something to me in Korean. I grabbed my passport and never asked twice or looked back.

My luggage had already done down the bag slide ridden the bag merry-go-round and been trapped in bag limbo. The place was deserted. I collected my bags and found my driver, 50 min later I was sitting down to dinner with my principal and to two other ESL teachers.

I woke at 4 am to the boom of thunder. I wrapped myself in blankets and watched the light show from the balcony. Massive flashes lit mountains in the distance and I made mental notes on side trips to be investigated later. After 20 minutes I went back to bed but clicked on the light, I was no longer tired. I pulled out the untouched book from the flight and read until the sun came up. 6am I attempted a shower in the combo shower toilet but there was no hot water so I settled for a “refreshing” see. Cold, sponge bath. Very awake I dressed quickly then decided to go for a walk, maybe find some food if I felt adventurous. I began walking down streets following no particular path, turning when I saw something of interest; a cool bike, an outdoor aquarium full of squid, a man in a park playing some game between bocce and croquet. Eventually my stomach won the battle between nervousness and hunger. I spotted an atm and after one failed attempt to navigate the system I was able to withdraw funds 50,000 won with a 3000 won service charge. I picked the amount at random, I didn’t know how much I would need for breakfast but figured I would need money the rest of the week at least as well. I chose the amount in the middle of the high and low amount I was able to withdraw and was ecstatic when the machine produced a stack of 5 10,000 won notes. I walked into the nearest shop and grabbed items at random. Piled on the counter an old woman watching soaps on a small TV rang me up, total 2,700 won (almost three bucks). With the transaction complete, feeling bold, I accepted my bag of treats and said, “thank you” in Korean which she responded likewise and added a good bye. These might seem like trivial feats but I was quite proud of myself. On the walk back I pulled cookies and butter crackers from their wrappers and ate them while admiring the clouds and slurping a horrible coffee drink in a can. Back at my temporary apartment I hurriedly typed this before it was time for my first day at school.

The first day started with me being introduced to the entire school. They had questions. What is your favorite color? What is your favorite shape? Where are you from? What is your favorite color? Mwa cham san da chawa? What is your favorite color? What is your favorite animal? What is your favorite color? * see answer key 5.71

My first class was amazing, excited, curious and bright, the rest did not necessarily compare. Some were smarter and quieter but some were lazier and more obnoxious. Overall it was a great time and I look forward to working with them.

I discovered I will be working with them sooner then I thought. My training started and finished today. On Monday I am on my own! It’s sink or swim and I don’t plan on drowning.

After work the staff went out for Korean BBQ, it was half good bye to Emily Teacher and half hello to William Teacher. The soju *see bad idea, flowed. I talked to many of my co-workers about everything. The evening ended at the Garten Bier where we were served beer by the foot. Over all it feels like this has been one of the longest and most eventful days of my life (and I skipped over a lot…you’re welcome).

Cold – An understatement of epic, private area shrinking, proportions.

Answer 5.71 

1) red, like my shirt. 2) ummm well I like circles…I guess? 3) the USA, Washington state, Seattle. 3) red, like my shirt. 4)ummm Say again? 5) red, like my shirt. 6) I like dogs. I have a dog back home that I miss. (first, of many, lies) 7) red, like my shirt….still

Bad Idea – Something between rice wine and vodka placed before you so your Korean counterpart can have some laughs at your expense.