Hawaii, same same but differnt

Aloha and welcome to the new and improved Haole in Hawaii blog. Don't worry I will still be posting slightly humorous, poorly written, constantly miss spled stories of my travels. I thought that my blog would be drastically different, seeing that I am in a new country and working a new job but little did I know I would run into identical problem that Korea posed.

Which brings me to the language barrier. In Korea I was often baffled and some times quite vulgar in my attempts to speak the native tongue. In Hawaii I am having similar problems, supposedly Hawaiians speak English but I have yet to see the evidence, I know Im the pot calling the kettle black but they all speak “pigeon”. Take this conversation for example the other day:

“Hello co-worker, how are you?”

“Ya Will I is good, how is you?”

Mind you this is an adult....professional....who's native language IS English. When the locals aren't speaking “pigeon” they are constantly using native words that all sound identical and all contain far too many vowels. A charming example: I work for Kama'ãina Kids in Makakilo neighborhood of Kapolei city on Hamakua Drive. I also work at He'eia park but not to be confused with Heiau park just down the road. Long story short, Korean was easier and I'm totally screwed.

Quick side note: The title of my Blog is now “Haole in Hawaii” which translates roughly to “Whitey in a beautiful land that he is trying to steal from us and ruin everything we love.” Welcome to Oahu!

The other interesting link I have found between the two places is my incredible ability to find jobs that supply mold infested housing. In Korea of course I had my roommate, “Larry” a 5' tall moldy wall behind my dresser. In Hawaii I moved into a “trailer complex” (it's as classy as it sounds) in my room I discovered a wall sagging on rusted nails. Quickly I got tired of the undeniable odor of mold and proceeded to tear out all the carpet and faux-wood paneling to expose the rotted wood work below. After vacuuming a surprising number of spiders and cock roaches I dried out the wall, fixed the roof, and re paneled/painted the wall. The nice thing about my home here is that I can do anything I like to it, and I have the shop/tools to make my wildest dreams come true, can anyone say “indoor hammock with accompanying suspended beer dispensary?”

Below are a couple of videos, the first being the obligatory stop motion video of the sunrise the second, a stop motion as well, is me painting my wall with a 5' tall map of Oahu.

The only internets in my domicile are in my swim trunks, so don't expect another update too soon, though I do have a lot of fun new stories to share.

The Lost Art of Walking

I started my day with some reheated pizza from the night before. Why is pizza always better in the morning?! (this is one of life's mysteries) I then started walking from north Everett to Lake Stevens. I stopped in a coffee shop for a bacon cheddar croissant sandwich and a white mocha. 

The guy in front of me didn't have any cash and the shops credit card machine was down so I offered to buy his drink, he thanked me and said I made his day. It's funny but "making his day" really made my day. While crossing the trestle I saw two deer bedded down in the marsh below, 

little did I know this was going to be the least interesting thing I saw on this walk. Next I came upon a bra in a drain,

then porn,

then more porn,

then even more home made porn (those were three separate porn instances?!)

and lastly one mint condition Tom Candiotti baseball card.

At the beginning of this post I mentioned "the lost art of walking", I said that because I believe many of us have forgotten how to slow down. I have no where to be quickly but I still drive a car the quarter of a mile to the store. Not to think too much into this but during my walk I was never bored, though I am often while driving, I was never enraged by a "stupid driver", and I got a lot of thinking done including planning my up coming birthday party, my move to Hawaii and even drafted this post. All in all a pretty successful day and all accomplished before 11am.


Quick side note: I was also saddened by the shear amount of garbage on the side of the road. The majority of the trash was empty beer bottles and cans. Something I noticed was that all the drinks were of the shitty-cheap-variety, not a single hoppy micro. There were lots of Mickeys, and Buds, but most of all I counted enough 4lokos to kill a dozen frat-guy-douche-bags. (just another fun 4loko picture...I couldn't resist). So the take away message? People who drink shitty beer are just not good people.

Being Back in The US

...is a lot like eating Subway. You want it when you cant have it but really is it ever what you remember? I have craved a foot of meat and bread covered in delectable condiments for the past year much like I craved the comfort of home. Yet as I sink my teeth into my sandwich I feel delighted and disappointed all at the same time.
I love being back in the US, it's great, I can see the stars at night, I can make small talk with strangers, and there are more flavors of beer than cells in my now shriveled-soju-soaked-pathetic-excuse-for-a-liver. 
These things are nice, and good, and intoxicatingly delicious but I miss things from Korea. I miss my friends, beautiful women that don't ever get cold, and the crazy pace everyone lives at. I knew I would miss the women but missing my friends and the Korean lifestyle has come as a shock. Here in Washington I have 6.5 friends. 
In order of distance from my residence:
Danielle 8.3 Miles
Kira 36.3 Miles
Isaac (and Jen=.5:) 64.8 Miles
Katie 302.2 Miles
Garth 309.8 Miles
Maria 309.8 Miles
Frankly I'm bored. I'm applying to jobs, and I have an interview tomorrow, but most of my day is wasted. I know what your thinking, "that's your own damn fault, go do something!" You're right and I have, I went flying one day, I have visited friends in Canada and Oregon, and I'm even building a Penny Farthing Bike but the honest truth is that I miss having people around. I was constantly surrounded by fun amazing people in Korea and its rough being here with so few and very busy friends.
As far as the lifestyle change goes I don't think its surprising to any one that leaving a 24hour cheap party to live in my parents house has required a bit of transition.
In the end I recognize I need to be thankful for who what I have and not dwell on what I had.... or just go back to Korea.
Now that I think about it the only thing that is the same between moving to the US and eating Subway is they both made me nearly shit myself (metaphorically and in actuality...seriously it was close) .



Before I forget...this is a video of Sara chugging soju (not recommended). She failed to finish the bottle so I don't know what she is so proud of but she insisted that I include her minor accomplishment in my world renowned blog...so with out further ado I bring to you an almost impressive video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lKi6MuiF-M

I'm BACK

After a short hiatus from blogging for job hunt purposes, I'm back. I have also returned to the United States. To answer everyone's question: No I have no idea what I am doing next.
Being in the US is weird. I am still jet lagged, going on one week, and I feel awkward every where I go. (more awkward than usual...I'm a pretty awkward guy to begin with) It's been great getting to see some friends in Washington but I miss everyone back in Korea.

JOBS JOBS JOBS

It has come to my attention that my foul mouth potty humor might hinder me acquiring a "job" I'm not sure why I would want one of these "jobs" to start with but my mother insists that I do in fact want one and that I am quite worried about my future "employer" reading the dribble I have "written" here. SO with that in mind for one month I must go underground...we'll see what happens when I can come up for air. So long, farewell.

Masturbatory Soap and Other Adventures

As my time in Korea dwindles down I am feeling many conflicting emotions....ya and what's that got to do with "masturbatory soap"? Nothing, but be patient...where was I...ah yes Emotions.
I am first and foremost excited to be going home. I can't wait to see so many people! But then there is the logical side to me that reminds me of my responsibilities. Mainly, I have no job upon my return. Yes, I have saved, but I don't want to go blowing all my savings bumming for a while and be back where I started a year ago.
On top of these thoughts and feelings I have also realized that Korea has become a home to me. There are things here that I will miss, and things I have not done yet and let's not forget a few WTF moments still being had. For your viewing pleasure here are just a few had in recent days.

 Saw this guy outside my apartment!

Then I saw this blue and yellow spider on a field trip, I considered getting bitten by it on the off 

chance I might get super powers but thought better of it.

 This is how you recycle like a boss.

Only in korea are chicken nuggets shaped like our four-legged best friends...

Just takin' a "nap"

Went to a soccer game...very cool.

This guy did not go to the soccer game....he was not very cool

He wanted everyone to "be quiet" on the train so he went to talk to the conductor...

But this was the view from my roof so Korea aint all that bad.

And now for all you sickos out there I give you Masturbatory soap... try scrolling really fast to get the full effect.

 Thanks for reading...

ONE SANDAL sorta day

It's finally Friday and me and the boys decide to blow off some steam. 3 whiskey cokes later I'm ready to hit the town. We end up at Truck with my good friend John, his wife Jehyun and Dave. We have a pleasant evening. Then we go to dinner around 3 or 4 am (time is irrelevant) at the chicken galbi place that I once accidentally bailed on the tab. (but that's another story) We eat and after a million international drunk dail attempts I instead insult the South African at the table (not even with a tasteless apartheid joke). So I pay my bill and peace out to walk home and attempt a million more drunk dials. On my way home I see a tree....not just any tree....a huge tree. It looks amazing and I must climb it (even if it is 4am .....or so). I wander off the well lit road in search of this massive oak. As I crest the hill I am mesmerized, staring at the huge umbrella of foliage, then suddenly I am face first in a ditch, my legs are throbbing and I am completely disoriented. I have stepped into a 2 foot deep cement ditch that was covered over with weeds. I detangle myself and stand up but discover that I am minus a shoe. I get on my hands and knees with my cellphone in hand for light and look and look and look and look but it has disappeared. I yelled out a long string of English and Korean curse words then turned for home and limped back bleeding from both shins. 
I feel there should be some sort of moral to this story but the truth is I'm glad I walked up there, it's somewhere that I have looked at and thought looked neat but never went to. Never mind F that! I just looked down and noticed that I ripped off a chunk of my big toenail in my adventure last night no wonder my foot was throbbing too. I'm going back to sleep. Goodnight.